You may have already heard that Roadkill will be shooting an episode on the upcoming Hell On Wheels: Retreat From Moscow LeMons Rally. That means that Freiburger and Finnegan are willingly planning to freeze their behinds off on the January 31 to February 3 road rally that starts in Moscow, Pennsylvania, and ends in Paris, Tennessee. You can get the scoop and register for the rally here on the LeMons Winter Rally site, but we figured we’d answer a few of the basic questions you might have right here.
What is this rally thing anyway?
The LeMons Rally covers more than 1,000 miles across four days with points awarded: (1) at the rally’s start based on the general hooptieness of your vehicle, (2) from intermediate checkpoints along the route, and (3) at the end-of-day checkpoints. The winner is the person who amasses the most points.
What is the route I’ll be taking?
The rally starts near Scranton in Moscow, Pennsylvania. Here’s a general outline of the itinerary:
January 31: Moscow to Buffalo to Pittsburgh.
February 1: Pittsburgh through West Virginia to Asheville, NC
February 2: Asheville, NC to Memphis, TN
February 3: Memphis, TN to Paris, TN to Waterloo, Alabama (of course) with awards at Barber Motorsports Park (Birmingham, Alabama) during tech day for 24 Hours of LeMons’ season opener
You can get from Point A to Point B any way you’d like, but some routes to reach the checkpoints (which won’t be published until the rally’s start) might take you a bit off the beaten path. How far off the beaten path you go, of course, depends on how many points you want to chase on a given day.
Buffalo, huh? Do I have to go to there?
If the weather is fine (as in, “less than a foot of snow projected”), you will need to go through Buffalo to get the day’s points. However, there is a contingency plan for the possibility of a Buffalo-caliber snowstorm.
What happens if I get stuck in a snowbank anyway?
Eight out of 10 doctors recommend getting yourself out of the snowbank.
Is the LeMons Rally a race?
Hell no. This is not a stage rally or competition of speed. We’re obligated to tell you to observe all traffic laws. You’re on the hook for your own tickets, arrests, legal fees, bartering cigarettes, and/or extradition fees.
What kind(s) of vehicle can I bring?
You can drive any non-motorcycle that is registered and insured in your name. Because it’s worth repeating: No bikes.
Do I need to enter some decrepit hooptie?
You can bring anything you want. We know you’ll have fun in whatever you drive, though it’ll be a more authentic experience if you bring a Citroen 2CV or a Lada Niva instead of some Porsche Jerkmobile with heated backup cameras. Basically: The more you can thumb your nose at those presumptuous exotics rallies where some idiot always bends a half-million dollars around a light pole, the better you’ll fit in. We recommend a shortened Ford Festiva (above), but your results may vary.
What kinds of things should I bring?
Besides the car, you’ll need the paperwork to prove it’s insured and not stolen. To get points for reaching checkpoints, you’ll also need a smartphone to take pictures of your mascot (provided by yourself or by the Rally organizers). We also recommend you bring lots of warm clothes, blankets, and tools to fix your jalopy. Try to bring a friend if you have any, but you’ll make plenty of new, barely sociable ones while you’re out with us. Food is probably a good plan, too.
Food? What kinds of food will we eat along the way?
“All of it.” That’s what Roadkill editor Elana Scherr says, anyway. Let us know good places to eat along the way.
What vehicle are Freiburger and Finnegan driving on the rally?
That’s a terrific question and we don’t know yet. They’re looking for a European car, since this is a rally tribute to Napoleon’s retreat across the continent, after all. Know anybody with a cheap European car in eastern Pennsylvania? Give us a shout (TheGuys@Roadkill.com).
What kind of coverage will this get?
We’ll be filming a Roadkill episode on this sojourn. You’ll also be able to find coverage here on Roadkill.com and in Roadkill Magazine. In other words: Roadkill, Roadkill, Roadkill. You might also find some great participant-made videos (above, by Jacuzzi Surfer on YouTube) or ridealongs by other press, like Stefan Lombard’s ridealongs for Hagerty from the first LeMons Rally this summer.
Sounds great. Where do I sign up?
Go to the LeMons Rally page and follow the link to sign up for the Retreat From Moscow Rally and find contact information for your questions.
If you live in the country’s western half, you can also sign up for this summer’s Monterey Car Weeeeeeak Rally, which runs from Monterey, California, to Bremerton, Washington, and back August 15 to 19.