5 Things To Do With The 43 International-Harvester Scouts You Just Bought On Craigslist

Late-night Craigslist shopping is an occupational hazard here at Roadkill, and we know it’s the same for a sizable percentage of our readers. Temptation can lead you to some pretty dark automotive places, but it can also see you somehow lucking in to the International-Harvester find of the century, like this ad selling 43 – that’s right, 43! – Scouts as a single lot. You can’t buy one, you can’t buy five, you have to buy all 43 at once, which of course you will. The only question that remains is: what will you do with your new extended family of classic SUVs once they’re safely in your care?

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We’ve got some ideas. Check out our take on 5 things you can do with the 43 International-Harvester Scouts you just bought on Craigslist.

1. Form Your Own All-Metal Chapter of The Scouts of America

Merit badges? Overnight camping? These Scouts have been sitting in a forest for who knows HOW long! There’s not a cold northern wind nor a deep, black night that can intimidate the Kansas City All-Metal Scouts detachment. Did we say ‘All-Metal?’ How about ‘Mostly Metal Except The Floors?’ Oh, and just wait until it’s time to earn that Advanced Fire-Starting badge.

2. Film A Remake Of ‘To Kill A Mockingbird,’ Only Every Character Is Now Named ‘Scout’

The ‘Cars’ franchise has been a big hit around the world, so why not tap into some of the magic with your own low-budget remake of a classic movie you may never have seen? 43 Scouts is pretty much enough Scouts to name every character ‘Scout’ and take some of the heat off of the young protagonist. Plus, its just easier to follow a movie where you only have to remember a single name. Right?

3. Build Scout-Henge

If you’re going to store 43 Scouts, you might as well please the Elder Gods at the same time. A Druidic Scout-Henge won’t just draw the blessing of the elemental spirits who, until now, have mostly focused on returning your fleet of International Harvesters back to the Earth, but it will also qualify as a roadside attraction you can probably charge admission to. Probably.

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4. Assemble A Super-Scout From Bits Of All 43 Scouts

Haven’t you always wanted to correct those little manufacturing mistakes, engineering oversights, and design do-overs that are part and parcel of any classic car or truck? Well, with the full array of parts presented by this pack of 43 Scouts, you’ve now got the resources to finally assemble the Super-Scout of your dreams! Combining the best aspects of each model Scout shouldn’t take more than your imagination, a welding rig, and a willingness to accept that sometimes, you just can’t improve on perfection.

5. Train A Scout Army, Rule The World

You may not be a military genius, but one thing is certain: no country in the world is expecting an all-out assault from an all-Scout army! The element of surprise is on your side, and maybe not much else, but after days (hours?) of rigorous training in the woods, your Scout corps is ready to take on all comers. Unless they live near a body of saltwater, or in a winter climate, or at altitude, of course.

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EPILOGUE

You didn’t give it much thought at the time, but now you’re curious: how, exactly, did that Craigslist seller end up with 43 Scouts in the first place?

Again – we’ve got some ideas:

1. Won some type of lottery jackpot where the choice was between $100,000 in cold hard cash or 43 International-Harvester Scouts, and yelled out ‘SCOUTS! SCOUTS! SCOUTS!’ before they could even finish asking the question.

2. Planted Scout seeds, watered Scout field, ‘harvested’ Scout bounty.

3. Traded collection of 43 Citroen DS sedans straight-up because they were ‘too reliable.’

4. Wanted to build a parody tribute to ‘Cadillac Ranch,’ but became distracted by the overwhelming roar of constant, on-going corrosion at all hours of the day.

5. Dispute with neighbors over property lines resolved by building a fence out of Scouts.

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Roadkill Fall 2016 Cover